One of the classes I teach is Social Studies, except it is not History like you would have thought. It is literally the study of being social. The Head Teacher ("head teacher" doesn't actually teach any classes. No one really knows what she does...) gives me a "monthly plan" of what the classes will be for the up coming month (I make my own monthly plans for my other classes, I don't know why this class is different. (probably to stop me from getting crazy in the class with my ideas of things these little korean pure-as-of-yet minds should know)).
The 'plan' I am given should be explained. I get a little three sentence class description of what the theme of the class is and a title for the day. I don't have a book to teach out of, or previous experience, so classes have gotten pretty inventive some days. (One class we drew what we ate for dinner last night and one of the students ate bean sprouts. Do you know what bean sprouts look like when drawn on a paper plate by a six year old? Sperm. A huge plate of it.) Some of the classes I am supposed to teach are just ridiculous. How am I supposed to teach a class about that?! Did she even think about this before writing it down as a class description?! For example, last week, I had to teach about the importance of cleaning up after ourself in the classroom, which is fine when giving a ten minuet lecture, but trying to keep six year olds engaged and paying attention for 45 mins about cleaning up paper? Maybe I just don't have the skill set to do that, because for me, it's impossible. I changed it slightly to waste awareness and recycling and it was actually one of my better classes. This week however, no, no this month's theme had me drop my jaw and do all those typical shocked expressions and sound effects. (Whaaaaaaaa?! What the hell is this!?) I got my November class plan and it looks exactly like this:
SOCIAL STUDIES
Theme: Toilet Use and Things I Can Do
WEEK 1
Toilet Use
- to talk about the inconvenient experiences of using toilet
- to learn the sequence of using toilet
- to set the rules for toilet use in school and house
I can't wait to talk about my inconvenient experiences of using toilet in class. And then discuss.
OK,ok...I've stopped laughing. Seriously...no, wait.........ok,really. I promise not to laugh anymore...so, Elizabeth, what will you tell the little boys about toilet use? wait, wait! oh my god! I just can;t stop laughing...ok,ok. I promise...no more. Ohhh, it's just too funny!ok,ok. Well there is something I should tell you so that you can tell the little boys so that when they come into an American adult guys bathroom, they'll know what to do. First of all, you know at the carnival they have that water pistol game where you shoot water into a tube and it makes a race horse move across a track? And the first person to get their horse to the finish line wins? Well, to tell you the truth, almost every bathroom in America has those racetracks set up in those long line of urinals but y'know...guys never talk about that stuff. It's all kinds of fun and now you can share some of that fun with the kids! But first though, maybe you should teach them some of the traditional bathroom ground rules men observe while draining the lizard! You've definitely got to talk to them about eye contact and conversation. I mean, for Gods sake, no talking to one another while ...well, you know . I mean, just today as a for instance, there I was in 'the home stretch', as it were, when some inconsiderate buffoon pulls up next to me and strikes up a merry little conversation! Why I was horrified, of course! So...you must teach the little beggars that there is NO talking what-so-ever! Just get on with it and that is that. Let me know how it goes...so to speak.
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